Lizzy’s Emo Corner

To say I wish I didn’t even ask…

Would be the truth but if I didn’t ask–would I even feel better?

“Now you know why I can only think of her…” he said with a small smile.

I couldn’t even force myself to smile at the moment.

It was like there was a heavy burden…

Like I had a heavy burden.

And it was smug fit in the center of my chest…called a heart.

“Do you want to help me now? Do you really want to help me?”

I looked up and matched eyes with him.

But only for a split second fore I feared if I stared into those eyes too long…

I’d see the love…the love that isn’t for me.

I force out laughter from my lips to compensate for the silence.

But it sounded so wooden and awkward because of the laugh being too loud and prolonged.

“Su Yun.” Her voice had gotten stern.

His hand shakily reached over and clasped onto mine.

I…

“Please help me…”

Really…

“Setting thoughts of Sae Hoon hyung aside…”

Like…

“I’m begging you…as a friend. I really like–”

You…

“Kek. Friends…are we friends?” I tested word over and over as if it was foreign.

“Friends. Friends. Friends. Friends. We’re FRIENDS. Yoon Jae Hoon and Han Su Yun are FRIENDS.”

Is this the moment where I break into a smile or cry?

I turned to Jae Hoon who simply smiled.

“You’re my first girlfriend and you’re my first friend.” He gave my hand a tight squeeze.

…

…

…

Hoo…I can’t even get a moment of rest…

How can I? How can I relax when my heart is aching?

I lay awake in bed…

Feeling so empty like a broken doll.

And now I realize I’m in a pathetic situation.

Reading all those novels, watching all those dramas, making fun of those silly heroines…I’m in no position.

I’m in their position.

I think I’m going crazy as well…

I hear sounds…as if rocks were being thrown against my window.

It was only until there was a loud crack as a rock flew into my room that I realized…

Some bastard was throwing rocks at my window!! =_=

“Shit!!” The person cursed loudly, stomping their foot down on the pavement of our driveway noisily.

I climbed out of bed and peeked through the curtains…

“Han Su Yun!”

I rubbed my eyes when I heard his voice…

What the hell was going on…? Was I dreaming?

“I threw so many rocks! Are you a strong sleeper or what?”

Seeing him, dark feelings arose from the pit of my stomach.

“It’s f-cking cold out here…”

My voice was struggling to break free in my throat.

“Do…do you want to come in, Young Jun?” I surprised myself as I heard my soft and calm voice.

“Hell yeah!” He piped, hurrying over to my front porch.

…

…

…

I wanted to yell at him for hurting Jae Hoon…

But how could I?

Young Jun was a human too…

He wasn’t bad or good.

Just like the world wasn’t divided into right or wrong…

“Wasn’t your boyfriend handsome out there today? ^-^” His low chuckle filled the kitchen…

After drinking hot cocoa, Young Jun’s vioce turned husky.

“Young Jun–”

“Aren’t you proud of your boyfriend?” He questioned again.

And I thought to myself…

Did he refer to himself or Jae Hoon?

The fight was brutal…

I wish I didn’t see it but then again…

Would it be better or not?

“Let’s break up.” I said flatly.

Young Jun closed his eyes but he didn’t look surprised at all.

“This relationship only lasted a few days…”

“But it doesn’t matter, right? I’m not the one you like…” I sat quietly…

And Young Jun’s eyes snapped open in alarm.

“I know everything,” I stated briskly.

His hand reached over and touched mine awkwardly.

“I’m sorry. I really respect you as a person. Not once did I ever think of you as just something to get back at Jae Hoon…” his tone showed that he was sincerely apologetic.

“It’s okay. I thought it was a bit farfetched if you liked me…” I joked.

“Tell me something I don’t know. So many guys like you that it’s not even funny. I think I would have probably liked you as well if I didn’t have Mi Hyun nuna ^-^”

We both laughed together lightly.

I think I could learn to be friends with Young Jun if time would only lend itself to us.

“It’s cool right? We’re over and…”

“You can return to Jae Hoon…” Young Jun smiled tightly.

Watching his expression, I knew Jae Hoon and Young Jun’s relationship wouldn’t be patched soon or even easily.

But there was hope.

If you took everything away from a person’s life…

There would be one thing you couldn’t ever take.

And that was hope.

The same hope that Jae Hoon has…

The same that I have.

Fuck yeah!

Lizzy – 1
Life – 0

So it was shitty at first, but my frown turned upside down. Let’s start from the beginning!!

6:30 – The alarm goes off. I smile and go ‘yay! I woke up early today.’ Then I close my eyes and snuggle into the warm blankets.

7:48 – I woke up and looked at my clock. At first…I was like, “what the fuck? How is it 7:48? =_=” I actually said that aloud and my mom who’s in the other room goes “WHAT? YOU’RE STILL HERE?!”

…

8:02 – I arrive at school, panicking that I’m late. Well lovely mercy was bestowed upon me. I rounded the corner to find my 1st period classroom locked and my classmates waiting outside. -_-v Hell yeah! I was not late.

From 1st period to 4th – I felt like shit. Everyone was perfect and I felt messed up.I was pretty moody…-o- I won’t say depressed since depression is sadness that lasts a long time. I’m just fucking moody.

Lunch – It was nice…^^ won’t say why because I’m shy ~ hahaha. But one thing I want to say is–Lake Washington High School’s sushi sucks. Do they use beaner rice or what? It’s hard and solid. Nasty tasting…I’m going to make kimbab [korean sushi] for one of my class’s projects and bring it to school–owning the nasty beaner sushi.

5th Period – Couldn’t stop smiling. And laughing to myself. People thought I was crazy. Which I am.

6th Period – >_< hella cute. It was a cute period. I’m lovefiction.

– — — — – –
Discoveries Today
– — — — – –

1. Aaron thinks I’m drug obsessed. o_oa

I swear! It’s crazy…everytime he walks by/talks to me, the subject of drugs always come up. Last friday, he wanted me to lend him a dollar and being the idiot I was, I think he was joking so I went “what do you need it for? Drugs?” and we launched into the subject of him being a drug lord and blah blah blah…

Today he walked by when I was speaking to bunny love and at that exact moment, I said “Do drugs if you want to look older and cool!”

Note: I was sarcastic ㅜ_ㅠ

There were other times we talked about drugs but I already wrote it in this journal about a year ago. No point in repeating memories.

2. Patrick is amazing.

That kid is cool O: If I had to pick a favorite 7th grader, he’d win hands down. He plays video games. He photoshops. He’s a writer like me. He can use LINUX. He’s a Jesus child!!! Haha, during lunch, it was hilarious. We went into the locker room and Patrick was in their with his 30985475375 girlfriends and he rejected the annoying one while pointing to another girl going, ‘I LIKE HER!’ It was cute.

3. I hate Science Illustration.

My worst class ever. I had a 113% overall grade in it as well…I bet it’s going to drop soon. -_- I hate that class. It made me cry.